Old Geezer Joke

[k0ua]

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic
This is what transpired:

Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!!

 

[chad22]

XD. That's awesome. Thanks for sharing that.

I can't stop laughing.

 

[SPIKER]

An old Geezer Farmer was heading down the road driving into the sun set

He gets pulled over by a Young Cop

Being a new officer and overall jerk he approached the geezer farmer

He began reading him the riot act for speed while going down the road

he then began to write Geezer a ticket.

The entire time there were a bunch of flys flying around the officers head

Old Geezer noticed it & said thems circle flys buzzing around ya

The cop looks up & said they are annoying ya know

Geezer said YEP they usually fly around the north bound side of a south bound horse.


Cop hearing this stops and said are you trying to call me a horses behind!>?

Geezer said NOPE, just never knew them circle fly's to lie...

 

[oldballs]

Chuckles to y'all from an old geezer.:laughing:

 

[Ed of all trades]

A traveling salesman tried to sell my Grandpa a hearing aid. Grandpa was only about 80 at the time and very active for his age. He went fishing 4 or 5 times a week and was always working in his strawberry patch ect. The guy came up to Grandpa who was setting in the shade under a tree, and sat down beside him. After chatting with him for a while the guy asked if Grandpa would buy a hearing aid. Grandpa said he could hear just fine and didn't need one. The guy was sticking to it though and kept telling Grandpa he could not hear as good as he used to and ought to buy one. Grandpa interrupted him and said hush.... what has that? The salesman said he didn't hear anything, and Grandpa said "You need a hearing aid more than I do. I can hear a tractor running down at the barn, I hear a hog feeder lid closing in the pig pen. and i hear a couple of crows cawing over in the pasture near the pond." The salesman never said another word except have a good day, and got up and got in the car and left.

Grandpa died at 98, lacked 1 month of being 99 and I miss him greatly. He has been gone over 25 years and it still seems like yesterday I was sitting on the river bank waiting for the fish to bite.

 

[k0ua]

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing everyproblem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, ........But I fish on Fridays!

 

[oldnslo]

NEW SENIORS COMPLEX
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:
"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males , and the male dormitory to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, " Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $80.
Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass???"

 

[oldnslo]

It's **** to be Old

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!


An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing..'

The doctor was shocked!



'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied,


'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

 

[Citydude]

These are a riot!

 

[motownbrowne]

I heard they're giving Viagra to old men in all the nursing homes in our town.





Works like a charm, no more problems with them rolling out of bed.