I just went through this, Frank, so maybe I can help.
All you need for a 4-in-1 is the 3rd SCV, which is not terribly expensive or complicated to have installed. This will allow you to have a grapple, or to operate any open center cylinder. With just a little more plumbing, that can work at either the front or back of the tractor. This is what I have done so far, but only have it at the back of the tractor for a dump trailer. I don't need a grapple on my tractor since I have one on my Bobcat.
The reason the dealer tried to steer you away from the JD top-and-tilt package is that it requires two over-priced accessories for your tractor. First, you have to have the diverter for the dual SCV control installed. Now, you have a switch that will change the joystick from controlling the FEL to controlling another set of cylinders -- whatever they may be. The diverter is not an inexpensive option on JD CUT's. Then the top-and-tilt kit is kind of salty on its own at about a grand.
There are loads of after-market options to add a second SCV to control a top cylinder and tilt cylinder. There are a couple of places (some of which advertise here on TBN) which offer pre-packaged kits and/or will customize a set up for you for about half what JD wants.
But, most of those will be easier to tie in if you have the JD "Power Beyond" kit installed. This puts a hydraulic supply and return line right at the back of the tractor. When not in use, you just plug the return line into the supply line and it completes the circuit. If you need to run something hydraulic (like a backhoe) you just add that implement's lines into the circuit. The implement must have its own controls. On the JD Power Beyond, there are two return line ports. One bypasses the rockshaft control and is used when connecting a backhoe. The other is the normal loop, which allows the rockshaft adjustment to work.
What I did on my 4410, and what I would suggest is the "biggest bang for your buck" is to have the "Power Beyond" kit and the 3rd SCV installed by your dealer. Then work with your tractor for a while and see just how much you really need hydro adjustment of your rear implements. If you're constantly screwing the top and side adjusters (or wishing you had before you got in the seat) then go with one of the aftermarket packages and keep about a grand in your pocket compared to the factory rig.