Dan,
I am sorry you came to Texas when the weather was so bad, I hope you take all of the rain we have been having back with you.
But the next time you come to Dallas, you might follow these few simple rules that someone emailed me today:
A VISITORS' GUIDE TO DALLAS, TX life in America's fifth largest city
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DA'-lus (spoken with as wide an "a" possible).
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned else where. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray.
3. All directions start with, "Go down Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end. Amen.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear ended.
7. Arapaho Road can only be pronounced by a Native (American).
8. Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "We're in Garland!"
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs have the right of way.
12. Roads will mysteriously changes names as you cross intersections.
13. If asking directions in the Irving side, you must have knowledge of Spanish.
14. Dallas/Fort Worth Intercontinental Airport has four terminal buildings connected by one tram that never works.
15. A trip across town will take a minimum of four hours.
16. Don't carry money, jewelry, family, etc., on Martin Luther King Freeway.
17. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.
18. Gun racks in pickups are not ornamental, either.
19. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sign that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading."
20. If the bumper sticker says, "This vehicle is protected by Smith & Wesson" assume the driver is serious.
21. Distance is calculated in minutes, not miles.
22. If the name "Texas Giant" appears backwards on the ferris wheel, lock your car doors, head north...immediately.
23. Highway names used on traffic reports such as LBJ, Walton Walker, R.L. Thornton, Marvin D. Love, etc... do not appear on street maps (or in most cases, road signs). Memorize their locations. Know them. Love them.
24. The same goes for "the Canyon" and "the Mixmaster." Just be glad you missed the Harry Hines "Traffic Circle."
25. "North Central Expressway" is in Dallas; farther north in Plano, it becomes "Central Expressway." At some point it also changes highway numbers from I-45 to US-75.
26. Greenville Avenue does not go to Greenville; neither does Denton Drive go to Denton.
27. Plano Road does go to Plano, but becomes Avenue K there. However, this is not to be confused with Plano Parkway which runs in a different direction, splits into 2 parts in far west Plano, but keeps its name in both cases.
28. You cannot fly into Dallas on Southwest Airlines and transfer to any other carrier (by law). Even if you could, you're at the wrong airport. (This was a trick played on Dallas by a Fort Worth congressman.)
29. If you see signs stating "North Park South" or "East Northwest Highway", they are not misprints.
30. If someone asks you if you've been to the State Fair, do not ask which one. There is only one. We have it. Don't miss it...and order a Fletcher's Corny Dog while you are there. Otherwise you will not be allowed to leave the state. This is statutory. Our road crews can always use another hand.
Enjoy your stay in Texas, the Friendly State. /w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif
Hope you enjoyed your stay and you come back ya hear!
Randy
