Drive by Shooting!

[valkman]

No, I don't live in Harlem.

I have this beachball size nest of hornets four feet off the ground at the bottom of the driveway. My excavator guy needs to get in there to flatten it out so I can put some grass down there.

After two failed attempts - Round one resulting with me spraining my thumb, falling down the bank with me laying on my back trying to get up like a turtle with my snowsuit on, and putting a egg size lump on my shin - my wife laughing at me at my antics.

Round 2 was my bright idea to spray the hole with foam bee spray - to block their exit . Then I was to spray the nest with my garden sprayer mixed with diesel and gas - I was to then light a rag attached to a 20 foot pole and ignite the nest into a funeral pyre. Fool proof.

I took the oldest boy as helper this time - wife was not invited after laughing at me /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

I get my snow suit back on, bug head net, leather motorcycle gloves and all my weapons. Foam spray worked like a charm - the nest looked like beachball covered in shaving cream. Snuck up on the nest with the garden spray, pulled the trigger - yup the stream dribbles out about 3 feet. I pumped the sprayer like mad, got it to dribble out about 10 feet - ahh working well now. Dousing the nest with lots of flammable liquid. Thats when the plan started to go south.

To my horror the diesel/gas started to wash all the foam off the nest at an alarming rate, then the little kamakazies started flying out of hangar looking for the target - ME. Did you know hornets can see at night /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

I yell to my boy "light the rag on fire" and I hold the twenty foot pole up to the nest - sizzling the little dive bombers as they come out of the hole, but not as fast as they are exiting. The nest catches on fire, the most pathetic, anemic fires I have ever see - I must not of used enough gas!

RETREAT! I yell. I fall down the bank again, sliding on my knees - banging the other shin, and we jump in the car. The windows are down, "Roll them up! Roll them! up" I yell.
AHH we are safe now, watching the mad hornets swarming around the pathetic blue fire on their nest. My son and I let out a nervous laugh - Phew, we made it - no stings.

You ever see the ALIENS movie, where the two guys are down in the bowels of the ship and they just get done saying "Phew - were safe" or something like that. When the alien makes that ticking noise and the two guys look at each other with big eyes and they know they are going to get eaten?

BUZZZZZZ

from INSIDE the car - we're trapped inside a Honda with a very mad ALIEN and we are are going to DIE!

We both start screaming our best horror film screams, reaching for the door handles I hit the wrong button and LOCK all the doors. Now we are really screaming! Finally get the doors open, and starting running up the driveway, I peeling off hats, gloves, headnets.

We run into the house out of breath, escaped from certain death - and now my wife is really laughing /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif


Round 3.
My new idea - Drive by shooting-
12 guage, 3 inch pump loaded with #4, 1 7/8 turkey loads with extra full turkey choke. It shoots beachball shaped pattern at 30 yrds. 100's of lethal BB flying at hundreds of feet per second. Battlefield has just become even!
Get into the backseat, kid pulls up to the nest. 25 yards away, target is in range, lean the long gun out the window, get solid rest, look through 4x scope. AHHH, settle cross hairs on enemy, squeeze trigger -BLAM nest goes up in cloud, we will take no prisoners. Jack another shell for maximum shock and awe, BLAM another direct hit. Nest is no more.
Kamakazies still flying around wondering what happened - but enemy home base has been elminated!

Drive by shooting - New Hampshire style! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[lamarbur]

sneak up on the nest at dark with three cans of carberator cleaner.. best I've seen yet, quick and stealthy.

 

[Richard]

omggggggggg am stillllllllllllllll laughing at the images of this and how I can relate with some of it.

Wonderful story, thanks for sharing.

Richard

 

[Dozernut]

Your wifes name is not Bun is it? I spit cofee on the computer screen reading this. Pat McManus watch out! Thanks for the morning laugh, you have a gift!

 

[fivestring]

You didn't by chance capture this on video did you? /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif
That coulda been $10,000.00 !!! /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif /forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif
The only thing that didn't happen was getting hit in the jimmies, which would have been icing on the cake! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Glad ya'll came out ok.

 

[cowboydoc]

I think it probably would have won the $100,000!!! Very funny story and so true of how things go in rural life. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Taylortractornut]

Valkman, Dad told me a story where he a and a fring in the 50's saw a hornets nest on the road side and it being a saturday with nothing to do the unloaded on it with a .22 . then the driver reversed to turn around and leave and backed the 49 Fords rear wheels off in a ditch. No AC and it was about this time of yoear in August. they just kept hitting the windows. finally at dark they went and got the old Allis Chalmers and drug the car out of the ditch.
Lamabur you are a true earthmover lol dad used to come in every night and have a new sack of carb cleaner for hornets nests. It just stacks their little carcases up in the nest entrance. I was about 14 running a D8K pushing him some brush for his old boss and he was on a new JD790 and saw a hornets nest that had been getting my nerves edgy. I saw him point at it and noticed it was in the top of a small maple sapling. He hooked the tree between the teeth and curld the bucket stripping it right up the to tp the nest. The hornets folloed that bucket and their nest right into the burning brush pile. Im bad about finding yellow jackes with a scraper when we are stripping topsoil.

 

[pruntyc]

I laughed so much I had to go tell my wife that one. But not to throw water on your story, but I want to add something. So no one else will think shooting them is the best idea. When I was young, boy is it hard to remember that many years, I was talking to a man, who told me a story that had happened to him. He said he was out hunting in the country, when he saw a hornets nest in a tree. So he decided to just shoot it, and I think it was with a shot gun. Anyway, he shot, and he said he thought the shot came back and hit him. He said they must have followed the shot back, and it hit him right between the eys, and knocked him down. Well he knew by then he had been stung. So he got into his car to go home, but before he could get to the first farm house, his eyes were swelling shut. So he when up to the door and they took him to the hospital. So it might just be a bad thing to do sometimes shooting at the nest. Of course he probably wasn't close like you were, so probably didn't make a direct hit. Anyway it is something to think about, before shooting. I threw a rock at a Yellow Jackets nest one time when I was a kid. Found out that wasn't too good of an idea either. Well, I out ran them, till I came to the line fence. There while I was climbing over it, they caught up with me. Not as bad as steping in one, though, but that is another story.

 

[dieselsmoke1]

That's a great story! I think you last solution was by far the best plan!

While on this subject, I'll pass mine along.

Last summer my dog, an Aussie, and I were walking through an old pasture at the home place. We walked up a rabbit, and the chase was on. I was enjoying the show as Cujo ripped up an old fence row looking for his rabbit, till I heard a yelp and saw him jump 3 feet straight up. Oh gez, this ain't good. Here comes my loyal companion straight back to me with an armada of veery agitated hornets close behind. When I turned an started running, the attackers quickly realized I was in league with the assailant, and one squadron broke off to pursue me. There was a small pond about 100 yds away I swam in when I was a kid. I never slowed down at the bank, Clothes, wallet, who cares! Cujo needed no encouragement and bailed in right behind me.

Here we are, I'm trying to get my butt to sink while holding down a 70 lb dog so his head doesn't become just 1 big stung place.

Apparently hornets don't like water, as thankfully they gave up the attack and we got out with about half dozen welps apiece.

My old friend down the road laughed so hard I thought he would pass out. He let me borrow his JD with a front end loader and a REAL GOOD CAB. As they said in the movies, "Hello Boys, I'm BACK"

 

[fivestring]

They made our hornets here in Charlotte so mad, they moved to New Orleans!!! :grin /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Good riddence to them!!!!