Bob Trevaline

[RoyJackson]

I probably spelled his last name wrong!!
But anyone heard from Bob (aka Trev)? He hasn't posted in a month.

 

[Thomas]

Would that be the gentleman from New York??..if so the last time I heard from Bob he was going to visit his mother in Haverhill,NH nursing home,and maybe skip down my way.

Hope all is well for him.

 

[RoyJackson]

"Would that be the gentleman from New York??.."

Yepper!! He owns a Deere 4300, if I recall correctly.

 

[Trev]

Hi Guys! And thanks for the concern!

No, I just got real busy is all. I keep meaning to get back, and something keeps coming up.

The latest is that we've decided to adopt our two foster kids. There has been a lot of soul-searching involved in this, not to mention a lot of battles. The biological mother first agreed to sign away her rights provided my wife and I adopted the kids. We told people we wouldn't be pressured into making a decision, and we'd let *them* know when we had made one. The mother then refused to sign over her rights, and the whole thing got more complicated. She is now back to living with the pedophile, and has most of the kid's clothes since we had brought the stuff to her when she was planning on taking the kids back. Nobody can reach her, and.. well.. let's just say it's been an ongoing nightmare.

We finally learned that some tough love was in order with the kids.. so we really came down on them. My wife was sick, and I asked the kids to help us out a bit.. just minor things like keeping their rooms neat, cleaning up after themselves, etc. They didn't. So we grounded them for 3 weeks.. in their rooms, lights out at 7pm, etc. Finally, one day, they yelled at us about why should we try since you're just going to get rid of us anyway like everybody else has! This opened the door to working more closely with them, and talking about real things.. which up to this point they hadn't been able to talk about.. too painful.

Long and short, we have informed Social Services that we'll adopt them. Now the legal stuff begins.. they have to get the mother to sign over her rights, they have to find the girl's father so he can sign also, we have to retain an attorney to protect our rights, and on and on.

To add to this, I've been kind of sick the last few weeks (they think it might be a weird form of thyroid disorder), so I've been too tired to do much with the tractor. :-(

This should all be resolved and behind us soon.. at which point I'll be back and pestering people with my questions again! /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif

Thanks again for the concern, and my best to all of you here!!

Bob Trevithick (you were close /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif)

 

[s1120]

Bob,
I hope all goes well. Sounds like you, and your wife, are the people these kids need in there life. Sence you first posted your story, my wife has had our first child. Now after 7 weeks, I get a much defferent perspective on your ordeal.

 

[dmccarty]

Trev,

I'm so glad that you think you will be able to get the kids. I
know it will be the best for them in the long term but its going
to be lots of pain and frustration to get them legally and to
help straighten out all the curves they have been given.

You would think that the court would really look down on the
mother for deciding to go back to the pedophile over her kids.
She sure seems like she made her choice. I sure hope the
court is hard on her and lets you adopt the kids as fast as
possible. It will certainly be better for them.

Its great news what you are doing for those kids. So many
don't get the second chance!

Later,
Dan McCarty

 

[Trev]

P.S.

Trevaline... sounds like a brand of motor oil! /w3tcompact/icons/laugh.gif Maybe I should invent some. Let's see, I'll grind up all of the zucchini we can't give away, mix it with our used kitty litter, add a dash of ground up pencil lead, and call it "TREVALINE (tm).. the new miracle diesel engine lubricant!!" /w3tcompact/icons/grin.gif

 

[Trev]

<font color=blue>You would think that the court would really look down on the
mother for deciding to go back to the pedophile over her kids.
She sure seems like she made her choice. I sure hope the
court is hard on her and lets you adopt the kids as fast as
possible. It will certainly be better for them.</font color=blue>

Thanks, Dan. Yeah, we hope things will move along smoothly. One of the things that social services thinks we can do is simply tell everybody that one of the conditions we insist upon is that there be no (zero) visits from the mother until the kids are 18 and can then make their own choice about whether they want any contact with her or not. Our experience was that she really messed up their heads every time they saw her. They'd get hyper and upset.. and they weren't able to express what it was they were feeling. The kids agree that this would be a good idea. The law guardian for the kids will be making a home visit to us on the 30th, I guess to make sure they're well cared for and really want to be adopted by us. We'll see what happens next. But either way, even if the mother refuses to sign off on this, we'll have the kids.. either extended foster care or adoption.

Everybody is in agreement, but there are bound to be some tricky things to overcome. One of them is that the girl cannot, apparently, be legally up for adoption until they find her father and get him to agree. Nobody knows where this guy is, of course. /w3tcompact/icons/eyes.gif DSS thinks maybe the judge will find a way to allow the adoption even if they can't find the guy. I'll keep you posted how this works out.

 

[dmccarty]

Bob,

Thats even better news. Sounds like the system is working
with you and FOR the kids instead of against you. Thank
Goodness. It sounds like such an open and shut situation that
everyone will aggree that the kids are better off with your
family.

Course if they can't find the father it sure sounds like he does
not care about the girl in the first place so maybe they can
terminate his rights. Abandonment is a word that comes to
mind...

Sounds like either way you are going to have a fun Xmass!
/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif Don't worry about the clothes the so called mother
has kept, the kids would grow out of them soon anyway!
/w3tcompact/icons/smile.gif

Later,
Dan

 

[Trev]

Hi Dan,

<font color=blue>Thats even better news. Sounds like the system is working
with you and FOR the kids instead of against you. Thank
Goodness. It sounds like such an open and shut situation that
everyone will aggree that the kids are better off with your
family.</font color=blue>

Yes, I have to say that the social services folks have been great. The case manager really fell in love with these kids, and is so happy that we've decided to adopt. When my wife told her by phone, the lady told her friends in the office and my wife could hear them cheering. They are completely in our corner, as are the kids' counselors who are willing to say in court that the kids are better off if the "mother" is denied any visits. The case manager also talked to her boss and they both thought the word "abandonment" was quite appropriate in this case.

We'll see what happens. Thanks for the encouragement!

Bob