First Marriage in your 60’s?

[tradosaurus]

I once dated a 45yr old woman, she had a 6 yr old sister, her dad married a 17yr old when he was 86.

That's messed up.

 

[ultrarunner]

Kelsey Grammer 70 is expecting new arrival with wife age 46…

 

[Torvy]

Kelsey Grammer 70 is expecting new arrival with wife age 46…

Whomever said older guys are more likely to have kids with defects...that is a much bigger issue for women over 35. We keep producing new gametes. Women are born with their full supply.

 

[ning]

Whomever said older guys are more likely to have kids with defects...that is a much bigger issue for women over 35. We keep producing new gametes. Women are born with their full supply.

There's no doubt that women's eggs get damaged over time, but men's sperm production is similarly damaged despite men producing it new all the time (think of it like the templates for making the sperm are getting damaged, so you make different sperm as you age).

Of course, much damaged sperm just doesn't play a part (merely causing a reduction in male fertility; similarly most damaged eggs are more an issue with a lowering of female fertility).

Unfortunately - though not entirely surprisingly - there are very few studies which examine the rate of birth defects with both parent ages as variables, so it's hard to determine at this point how much of the defect comes from the age of the male parent.

This is all to say that while the issue is bigger with women over 35, it's unknown (ie poorly studied) how much of an issue it is with men, and how much of the danger from older women is compounded or directly due to the older man:

(link)

TL;DR - it's complicated, and most people think it's mostly an older female parent's fault, but we actually don't know how much fault is due to an older male parent, likely because it's inconvenient to study that.

 

[Torvy]

There's only been one study showing older men being a significant issue. It reads more like they had a result in mind before they started.

There is an interesting study from Norway, but they focus more on average parent age. They did acknowledge that it is much worse for older women.

There are too many variables to get a really good study. Also hard to get people to study things without bias toward their funding source's preferences.

 

[not2old]

My first marriage was in November of 1969 so I guess I just squeaked into this club

 

[MossRoad]

From what I've read, the older a man gets, the percentage chance of him fathering a child with a birth defect rises significantly. However, that's kinda deceiving. The analogy in the study equated it to buying 2 lottery tickets instead of 1. You're probably still not going to win (or lose in this case).

My wife and I wanted a lot of children. We tried for 7 years to get the first one and 5 more to get the 2nd one. Some people started telling us we should stop trying because the chance of birth defects had doubled at our age. Our Doctors said to keep trying because the chances were very low to begin with, and remained low even though they doubled percentage-wise.

So, we figured we'd get one and if it was OK, we'd try for a 2nd. If not, we'd deal with the first one, as we were mature enough to handle anything thrown at us.

We were fortunate to get two healthy babies out of the deal.
We also lost a few in miscarriages.

So our hearts go out to the folks that want children and are having a tough time conceiving. We were at the point of adoption when the last one came. We just knew that we wanted children, and had a lot to offer.

Would I want to father more babies at age 50+? Now, no. But if I didn't have any already, probably yes.

Depends on the woman, my health, her health, financial situation, the desire to procreate... lots of factors, I'd assume.

 

[Runner]

From what I've read, the older a man gets, the percentage chance of him fathering a child with a birth defect rises significantly. However, that's kinda deceiving. The analogy in the study equated it to buying 2 lottery tickets instead of 1. You're probably still not going to win (or lose in this case).

My wife and I wanted a lot of children. We tried for 7 years to get the first one and 5 more to get the 2nd one. Some people started telling us we should stop trying because the chance of birth defects had doubled at our age. Our Doctors said to keep trying because the chances were very low to begin with, and remained low even though they doubled percentage-wise.

So, we figured we'd get one and if it was OK, we'd try for a 2nd. If not, we'd deal with the first one, as we were mature enough to handle anything thrown at us.

We were fortunate to get two healthy babies out of the deal.
We also lost a few in miscarriages.

So our hearts go out to the folks that want children and are having a tough time conceiving. We were at the point of adoption when the last one came. We just knew that we wanted children, and had a lot to offer.

Would I want to father more babies at age 50+? Now, no. But if I didn't have any already, probably yes.

Depends on the woman, my health, her health, financial situation, the desire to procreate... lots of factors, I'd assume.

Your kids are blessed to have parents like you. Bravo.

 

[MossRoad]

Your kids are blessed to have parents like you. Bravo.

Thanks! We're blessed to have them.

A long time ago, one of them was ill and I had to rush her to the emergency room with breathing problems. Maybe 5 years old. They soon cleared it up. It was about 3:00am, and the kid was sitting up in the bed watching cartoons. The Dr. came in and started asking me questions about the symptoms, when it started, how she felt, etc... and the kid started answering the Dr. before I could. So, we let her continue. She had a nice almost adult conversation with the Dr. and went back to watching cartoons. The Dr. sat there looking at her and tears started welling up in his eyes. Then he asked "How do you get kids like this?"

I said "First, you have to want them."

Planned or unplanned, you have to want them once they are here.

Of course, there is also the luck of the draw. Perfectly healthy parents can have children with mental or physical issues, and vice versa. My in-laws question how they could have a child like my wife, and then have two like her siblings. (they are bizarre, folks )

It's a roll of the dice....

 

[Torvy]

My wife and I wanted a lot of children. We tried for 7 years to get the first one and 5 more to get the 2nd one. Some people started telling us we should stop trying because the chance of birth defects had doubled at our age. Our Doctors said to keep trying because the chances were very low to begin with, and remained low even though they doubled percentage-wise.

So, we figured we'd get one and if it was OK, we'd try for a 2nd. If not, we'd deal with the first one, as we were mature enough to handle anything thrown at us.

We were fortunate to get two healthy babies out of the deal.
We also lost a few in miscarriages.

So our hearts go out to the folks that want children and are having a tough time conceiving. We were at the point of adoption when the last one came. We just knew that we wanted children, and had a lot to offer.

Similar for us. 6 years for the 1st one. Somehow that kick started her system and we had 3 more make it to full term and lost another.

We were almost done with 30 hours of foster/adoption training when we found out about the first one. We ended up doing respite care.

They thought he might have a problem...turns out he's a healthy genius.

For older women, the risks are in the 2-4% range. For older guys, it's less than 1%. So, while not exactly lottery rare, double the chances are still low.

About the same risk as colon cancer, but they want you to get checked all of the time for that, even if you don't have a family history.