How to spend your legacy?

   / How to spend your legacy? #161  
I 100% support "right to die". This country murders hundreds of babies per day. But we don't have the right to end our personal misery without commiting suicide? 😔
I agree in principle but then there is the slippery slope where that decision is made for you.
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #163  
That's it. That's how you do it and I'd do it all over again.
I’d have to think about that. :unsure: So your mom raises you in diapers, so you have to return the favor?

Well, ok, but didn’t we raise our own children in diapers? So we have to do it twice, but some people only have to do it once? 🤣

And what about the spoiled brat siblings of the one (like you or my wife) who don’t/won’t do anything, but get to enjoy the benefits of the will after the parent passes?

How does that get worked out?

Look, my wife and I have cared for my mother and now her mother. We stepped up to the plate and took the hit (twice), but I don’t think it’s a duty or an obligation, especially when others stand idly by waiting for the passing so they can collect $.
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #164  
You should deal with that hate with your siblings. Leave your mom out of it.
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #166  
You should deal with that hate with your siblings. Leave your mom out of it.
Not mine, my wife’s.
None of her siblings in over 3 years, have offered to help. Not once and not for ONE minute. And they live nearby. The brother died unexpectedly in 2021. He wanted nothing to do with saying goodbye to his mother. The sister continues to live nearby and offer nothing.
 
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   / How to spend your legacy? #167  
I hear you my friend, although I will add, adult “soiling” is quite a handfull, especially when she throws it at the caregiver. :ROFLMAO: She also kicked the caregiver several times, and once hurt her ribs.
Usually she still recognizes my wife and is a bit easier on her.

The reason we have her with us is to spare her the abuse that comes with most of the dementia facilities. We remember her in the good times and realize she “died” long ago and whatever creature resides in her is not her.
I absolutely agree that it reaches a point where professional care is needed. Providing "infant care" to an adult is not the same as doing the same for a baby or small child. It comes down to how much you are willing to endure and at which point is the person completely "gone" mentally. My MIL has not yet reached the state that yours is in. She still lives alone with one of her kids coming over daily, but things are progressing to where that may not be an option for much longer. It is a shame since she was still riding her horse at 85, very sharp and still driving at 90, but at 92 she can barely walk on her own and although she just drove her car "three days ago" it has not moved in nearly two years. But for her it is always "three days ago" and often she cannot tell you what she just ate an hour ago.

I have been blessed to have the worlds greatest MIL. She has always kept her opinion to herself unless you specifically asked. If you asked, she told you exactly what she thought, but in a kind and insightful way. Very smart woman. Always treated me as if I was one of her own, and I treat her as if she were my own mother. Especially since mine died in 2001, that makes her my only Mom now.
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #168  
We have my mom living with us in an in-law apartment across our driveway with 5hr/day caregivers. She's fine mentally, but being a lifelong diabetic, her physical needs are growing. Last May she fell during the night for the third time that year and gashed her head pretty bad. I decided it was time to move her to a facility that could provide better care. Assisted Care Thread

I kept her in that facility for less than a week, before deciding to move her back with us and find additional caregivers/hours. I must have had an angel watching over me, because I dumb lucked into finding 3 fantastic additional caregivers.

Assisted care facilities can be pretty rough, but they're necessary. I can't imagine dealing with a memory care patient that's combative, soiling themselves etc. I'm so fortunate that my parents saved for their elder years and my mom has the financial means to have home care.

If I ever see myself going downhill like that, I plan to book a lion safari hunt using nothing but a slingshot. Hopefully they take my sorry a$$ out quick.
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #169  
I absolutely agree that it reaches a point where professional care is needed. Providing "infant care" to an adult is not the same as doing the same for a baby or small child. It comes down to how much you are willing to endure and at which point is the person completely "gone" mentally. My MIL has not yet reached the state that yours is in. She still lives alone with one of her kids coming over daily, but things are progressing to where that may not be an option for much longer. It is a shame since she was still riding her horse at 85, very sharp and still driving at 90, but at 92 she can barely walk on her own and although she just drove her car "three days ago" it has not moved in nearly two years. But for her it is always "three days ago".

I have been blessed to have the worlds greatest M IL. She has always kept her opinion to herself unless you specifically asked. If you asked, she told you exactly what she thought, but in a kind and insightful way. Very smart woman. Always treated me as if I was one of her own, and I treat her as if she were my own mother. Especially since mine died in 2001, that makes her my only Mom now.

You definitely struck gold. :)
Even though my MIL has always been cantankerous, I offered my wife that we could take care of her mother but her and her 2 sisters don't seem to be thrilled to do something like that.
Right now she's in a very nice assisted living facility waiting for her brain bleed to heal to be able to come home. She's 87
 
   / How to spend your legacy? #170  
I absolutely agree that it reaches a point where professional care is needed. Providing "infant care" to an adult is not the same as doing the same for a baby or small child. It comes down to how much you are willing to endure and at which point is the person completely "gone" mentally. My MIL has not yet reached the state that yours is in. She still lives alone with one of her kids coming over daily, but things are progressing to where that may not be an option for much longer. It is a shame since she was still riding her horse at 85, very sharp and still driving at 90, but at 92 she can barely walk on her own and although she just drove her car "three days ago" it has not moved in nearly two years. But for her it is always "three days ago".

I have been blessed to have the worlds greatest MIL. She has always kept her opinion to herself unless you specifically asked. If you asked, she told you exactly what she thought, but in a kind and insightful way. Very smart woman. Always treated me as if I was one of her own, and I treat her as if she were my own mother. Especially since mine died in 2001, that makes her my only Mom now.
My wife also cared for her mom for 2 years before she moved in with us, so grand total has been about 6 years. She was not a good mother. I am not comfortable disparaging her, so I will leave it at that.
I am amazed that my wife will put up with this. My wife actually left her mother and home while a sophomore in college/20 years old and moved in with me because her mother was quite dysfunctional. I still remember going to watch her play women’s college lacrosse while we were engaged. The mom was rarely at the games, even though she was completely normal at the time. Father was rarely present, either. I became my wife’s emotional support system. Must have been tough on her. It did make her very driven. She was inducted into her college’s athletic Hall of Fame about 10 years ago.

Yet my wife cares for her as if she was like your mother in law.
 

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