Instilling a strong work ethic

[NoTrespassing]

Hey All,

Reading this forum, I constantly see complaints about a lack of work ethic in "today's youth" or the population in general. I waited a long time to start a family, I'm in my mid 50's now and I have a six-year-old son. I'd like to hear other's successful experiences raising a child and instilling a strong work ethic. I've discussed this topic with a few people I work with and most of them tell me they can't get their kids to do anything. When I hear this, my reaction is to recoil in disbelief but I've heard the same story so many times I guess it's true. I usually ask, what do you mean, you can't get them to do anything? You actually let them tell you no?

So far I think my wife and I have done ok. I understand each kid is different. My wife is very tough on him when it comes to school work and has been since he was very little. He's in kindergarten now, reading at a third grade level and has his times tables down pretty well.

As far as chores around the house are concerned, right now he only has one daily responsibility and that's making sure the dogs have food at all times. He's been doing that since he was four and he's pretty good at it. Now that spring has sprung there will be a lot more opportunities for him to help out around the place.

Yesterday I asked him to help his mother pick up the garden so I can till soon. He went to help my wife and tried walking off after the first task. I said, "Kyle! Where are you going?" to which he replied "to play with the dogs". I marched him back over to his mother and explained, "you are not finished helping your mother until she tells you that you're done with the job". After that he kept working with her and until all the buckets, tomatato cages, etc. were picked up.

Somehow, I ended up with a decent work ethic and I'm just going from memory on how to teach it to my boy. I praise him and reward him when he gives a good effort. I scold him and withhold rewards when he doesn't. How did everyone else do it and did it work in the end?

Kevin

 

[marchanna]

So far it sounds like you’re on the right track. I’ve got 5 daughters, and they’ve all got chores and responsibilities. As soon as they’re old enough to get a job, I encourage it.

Key things:

1. Even if you can afford to give them everything, don’t.
2. Doing chores isn’t something you should be paid for, it’s doing your part.
3. Let your kids experience hardship, they need to learned how to cope with difficulty.
4. Make them pay for their own phone!

Every kid is different. Some will always obey, while others will fight you every step of the way.

 

[woody]

I agree with marchanna looks like you have the right idea, all though this thread should open up a big discussion. I have four kids three of my own with the same mother and one step kid that I helped raise from 12 years of age and he is now 26 years old. all four kids turned out different. Good luck

 

[Egon]

Things just never seem to change.

Didn't one of the old Greek pilosophers make a similar observation?

 

[Redlands Okie]

Seems kids are like the rest of us. They often practice what they see or hear.
Consistency helps. Rules can be broken or exceptions made but it should be rare.
A problem I dealt with was the now ex-wife often times would not follow thru on her side of responsibilities or a task for reward deal. Example: Wash the car and kid and one friend get all expense paid trip to the movies. Then when movie time came she would have some excuse to not do so and tell them try again at a later date. Drove me absolute nuts. Hard to teach ethics when you do not practice them.

 

[blackdog2086]

The problem is, the immediate family is only a portion of a child's environment. Unless they are home schooled, they are going to interact with with other kids and even teachers who do not share your ideas or work ethics. I never considered a spanking child abuse and I received plenty as a kid and dished out a few to my own when the situation required. Try that now and you're likely to have the police knocking on your door to take you away.

Go back 50 years or even less and see how many school shootings there were. Kids now days are rewarded no matter what they do or don't do. Without a negative consequence for improper behavior, why should they do anything they're told to do? Contrary to some opinions, people aren't born with a natural sense of right and wrong. It is learned behavior that comes from the people closest to them. I learned real quick that If I stepped out of line or didn't do my chores, there would be consequences. And I don't mean a 5 minute time out or no facebook for an hour.

 

[Industrial Toys]

IT has been shown that there is a better behavioral result when reward is only given some of the time as opposed to every time. Animals and human (animals) alike.

You see sneaky bosses using this tactic all the time with their "too eager to please" employees. Every time they do something good , the "bonus" is mentioned So the pathetic employee ends up doing many above and beyond tasks only to be rewarded once with a modest bonus. Probably the same one, the terrible tardy employee gets.

I heard something about the welfare state and what Jefferson said about not making the poor too comfortable, because you won't be doing them any favors. Sadly, that thinking wasn't adhered to.

 

[Steppenwolfe]

I think you are born with it, or not. Sure seems that way... Never seen a lazy person that wasn't lazy as a kid.

 

[teejk]

IT has been shown that there is a better behavioral result when reward is only given some of the time as opposed to every time. Animals and human (animals) alike.

You see sneaky bosses using this tactic all the time with their "too eager to please" employees. Every time they do something good , the "bonus" is mentioned So the pathetic employee ends up doing many above and beyond tasks only to be rewarded once with a modest bonus. Probably the same one, the terrible tardy employee gets.

I heard something about the welfare state and what Jefferson said about not making the poor too comfortable, because you won't be doing them any favors. Sadly, that thinking wasn't adhered to.

Rewards needn't be monetary. The simple "atta boy/girl" (when deserved) does wonders for self esteem (theirs and yours).

 

[teejk]

The problem is, the immediate family is only a portion of a child's environment. Unless they are home schooled, they are going to interact with with other kids and even teachers who do not share your ideas or work ethics. I never considered a spanking child abuse and I received plenty as a kid and dished out a few to my own when the situation required. Try that now and you're likely to have the police knocking on your door to take you away.

Go back 50 years or even less and see how many school shootings there were. Kids now days are rewarded no matter what they do or don't do. Without a negative consequence for improper behavior, why should they do anything they're told to do? Contrary to some opinions, people aren't born with a natural sense of right and wrong. It is learned behavior that comes from the people closest to them. I learned real quick that If I stepped out of line or didn't do my chores, there would be consequences. And I don't mean a 5 minute time out or no facebook for an hour.

Peer pressure is a big factor I think (more so on the parents than the children). I suspect that this is a pendulum of sorts and will continue to move both ways over time.

 

[Agvg]

Don't know in the us but today's young people are one of the most hard working generation In a long time, they have the lowest crime rate in decades, study hard and work hard to get what they want.

So is work ethic a problem?

 

[Doofy]

I never got a whippin' I didn't deserve and tried the same with my kids. Never dish out punishment in anger. It is possible to blister a butt with love. Children need reasonable boundaries that make sense and consistency from both parents. Also, I wish I had learned to talk to my kids instead of at them.

 

[JRobyn]

The ONE thing I consistently see that results in kids with a good work ethic, is a good work ethic demonstrated consistently by their parents.

 

[Industrial Toys]

Never mind the work ethic of the parents. How about just having two parents for starters? There has been a consistent 50% Divorce rate for many decades. Why does society not address the root cause of this?

 

[Agvg]

To address the issue of divorce is difficult, can't really see how. Better divorced than two living in a non functional relationship.

 

[95XL883]

What JR said. I have four boys, 2 from my first marriage, 1 from my wife痴 first marriage and 1 from this marriage. All have grown up like their parents. Luckily I had more influence on my first two than my ex-wife but she still screwed them up some with her bad behavior. And luckily my wife had more influence than her first husband but he still got a bad trait or two from his first dad. Our youngest is an absolute joy. He grew up in a home with both parents working together and caring deeply for each other. He saw me working hard and just joined right in.

A favorite story on my youngest. I was working on the carb on my Harley. He was three and said 的 help you Dadfy? A pleasantry was exchanged and he went to the other side of the bike. I finished and went to his side. That little beaming face looked up at me and said 的 help you Daddy. There was the ignition. Partly disassembled hanging from the bike. I just had to smile, tussle his hair and asked if I could help him finish.

There are others but my wife and I always had him participate in our tasks and we participated in his. He痴 in engineering school now and doing well. The summer job he had last year asked him to come back.

OP, you are doing well. Your wife and you have the right expectation and are setting the right example. Good job, sir.

 

[Industrial Toys]

I think there is an awful lot you could teach kids about relationships. Never mind teaching ***-ed. Teach how the attraction process works in women as it has pretty much remained unchanged since cave man days. It took me fifty years before I learned this. My electricity teacher in high school told us boys never to try and understand a woman. What bad, bad advice!

 

[95XL883]

Bad marriages and divorce definitely make life harder for kids. I was naive with my first wife and both my boys and I really paid for it. Same with my wife痴 first marriage. Our long term stability and simply caring for each other drew them in te right direction but they still have some baggage.

 

[95XL883]

I understand my current wife perfectly. She痴 right I知 wrong. lol.

 

[tcreeley]

Work ethic results from the kids seeing the parents model it. When young kids want to join in and help the parents out, don't scold them, tell them how to do a better job. Let them help and have fun doing it. They will look forward to the family time that work gives them.

If they hate what they do - then chores won't give them a good work ethic - they will just try to sneak and do a lousy job, or skip the chores.
Think of them as part of the team and appreciate what they do.

Your biggest hassle will be peer pressure and drugs and booze. Be part of their life, know the details, and share it. Discipline doesn't make a parent. Sharing and appreciating does. Go the extra mile and they will meet you on it. - Mostly, your kids should smile when they see you - not duck for cover because you have a chore for them. Work along with them, talk, smile - and they will adopt your work ethic and manner.

Good luck.