Upcoming Wedding - advice needed

   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #51  
zzvyb6 said:
Set up your Trust to delegate who gets the tractors. Then tell the groom that you'll just stay in the background, cleaning your guns.
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As mentioned, my parents only had me as their only child. My other 44 aunts and uncles between my mom and dad's side generally had more than 3 kids per family.

Issue is, sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree.

Don't get me wrong, my parents were better people than myself.

Thing is, I have have my own issues, but in general I think I've done ok for myself before I met my wife, and a large part of that was my parents love. Thing is, my wife and I have a lot in common, but we also have a lot not in common. We kind of make up a good team where we lack with ourselves, because the other half makes up for it.

I love my Mother In Law like she's my own mom. I loved my Father In law like he's my own dad. Thing is, if I would have either of their siblings as a "In Law", I have no doubt that my life would be bat ***** crazy LOL (and I have had this same discussion with both my in laws and wife and they all agree, although my FIL died last year).

I've come to the conclusion (even here), no two siblings may be alike when they grow into adults even though they were raised with the same household with the same parents and with the same rules and "principals" being raised.

Have 3-5 kids, good luck without ticking someone off thinking you didn't love them on what you leave to them in their trust 🤣
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #52  
Sigarms said:
As mentioned, my parents only had me as their only child. My other 44 aunts and uncles between my mom and dad's side generally had more than 3 kids per family.

Issue is, sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree.

Don't get me wrong, my parents were better people than myself.

Thing is, I have have my own issues, but in general I think I've done ok for myself before I met my wife, and a large part of that was my parents love. Thing is, my wife and I have a lot in common, but we also have a lot not in common. We kind of make up a good team where we lack with ourselves, because the other half makes up for it.

I love my Mother In Law like she's my own mom. I loved my Father In law like he's my own dad. Thing is, if I would have either of their siblings as a "In Law", I have no doubt that my life would be bat ***** crazy LOL (and I have had this same discussion with both my in laws and wife and they all agree, although my FIL died last year).

I've come to the conclusion (even here), no two siblings may be alike when they grow into adults even though they were raised with the same household with the same parents and with the same rules and "principals" being raised.

Have 3-5 kids, good luck without ticking someone off thinking you didn't love them on what you leave to them in their trust 🤣
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Boy you nailed that!

I think I've mentioned before that my wife and I are 95% compatible on half of life's issues and 95% incompatible on the other half. That makes us compliment the good stuff and cancel out the bad stuff. In essence, our marriage is a wash. :ROFLMAO:

Her folks are my folks. Her siblings are bonkers. Even her parents have questioned how that happened, since they raised all three the same.

I'll have to say that even my brother in-law is coming around to the normal side as he ages. I've had dinner with him three times in the past month with no desire to get up and leave. :ROFLMAO:

So there is hope. 🙃
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #53  
Moss, just glad to know I'm not alone.

My wife's other two aunts were raised by the grandparents (as my wife) in their same house. I won't go into stories, but lets just say I'm scratching my head and leave it at that...

Best gift I could give my wife's grandfather is he got a deer the last year he was alive. He was like a kid getting that deer.
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #55  
MossRoad said:
That could be a direct quote from my late father in-law about the differences in his children. :ROFLMAO:


(y)(y)
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Our father in laws we're pretty much the same then.

I had nothing but the utmost respect for my FIL for what he had done with his life and the kind of man he became. It didn't hurt that being a power lineman in Vermont for 30 years, I was actually a little scared of him the first time we met (he was a lot different social wise and physical size than my own dad).

Before I met him (FIL), my wife informed me that he didn't talk much, and not to take it the wrong way if he doesn't say much. When he met my dad and I the first time, he actually talked and we had a pretty good time at my dad's house. My wife was really surprised that he was sociable with us LMAO

Life is a roll of the dice for better or worse, and that is what I've nailed it down to... You'll never have it (life) figured out as I have two boys, and until I die, I won't have how they are so different figured out...
 
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   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #56  
My dad was 6'3" 230# WWII combat engineer. Imposing figure. I was never worried about getting into anything with him, as I never gave him reason to lose his temper. I don't know why, but I never had the urge to test it. I don't recall him ever raising his voice at me once. He could have crushed me like a bug, as I was only 6' tall and 135# until about age 24.

My father in-law was 5'6" 160# factory worker. I think he could have kicked my arse until he was about 85 years old. I never gave him a reason to lose his temper either. Came close when I brought his daughter home at 5:30am once. We'd been dating 5.5 years and were engaged. We fell asleep watching TV at my parents' house. Honest. The TV came back on the air at 5:00am (remember when stations signed off for the night?) and woke us up. We panicked and I ran her home. She kept telling me on the way to her folks house that her dad was going to kill me. Swell.

Walked into the house and there he sat at the kitchen table eating his corn flakes and literally growling at me with milk running out of the corner of his mouth. Where the $^%%# have you been? I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere!!!

I told him we were at my parents' house like we told him when we left the night before, accidentally fell asleep, and he could have called them if he was worried. His reply?

"I didn't want to disturb them."

:oops:

My reply:

"You think your daughter is dead in a ditch and you don't want to disturb her fiancés parents?"

Surprisingly, instead of jumping up and punching me in the face, he calmed down and kinda just sat there. I think he thought that was reasonable. I apologized for making him worry about his daughter, he accepted, and I left for my job. We never had a disagreement again. That was 37 years ago. He's been gone about 2 years now. I miss him a lot.
 
   / Upcoming Wedding - advice needed #57  
Polish last names ending with "ski," usually means that the first part of the last name is a city or region that their family is originally from. For instance if the person is originally from some place called "Tomtow," they would have a last name of "Tomtowski."

Only advice I could give is to have as few "Marriage Industrial Complex Professionals" as possible. At our wedding, everyone jumped at the chance to do a certain role. We had a niece bar tend, a nephew ran the music playlist, Brothers and Sisters ran the set up and take down for the rentals, lights, chairs tables and flowers. . Other nieces and nephews, did the serving. Brothers and Sisters also did all the photography. And years later, we still get compliments on how fun our wedding was to them personally because they were directly involved in the process and also got to interact with the other side of the family on a shared project. My Sister in Law loved how our wedding worked, so much so, that she started her own side business that stressed this sort of family involvement.

Its "Their Wedding," first and foremost. Difficulties arise, if one side of the family wants to exert control. Yet in the end, it is the Groom and Bride's wedding, and no one else's.

And there are certain people; and the guest list iS under your control, that you don't have to invite. I didn't even tell my older brother, and instructed my family not to share with him the where's and whens. And even had a conversation with the future brothers inlaw to help me "bounce him out," if he did show up.. :)
 
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