Upcoming Wedding - advice needed

[Torvy]

Not me, my older daughter, the nurse. Wedding is in late May.

This is the first of our kids to get hitched. We are not really up on the expectations and protocols as the parents. In general, we figure they are adults and can do things however they want. Just tell us our role and we will do our part.

How is the interaction between the sets of in-laws typically handled? (us and the guy's parents). The 'kids' met as adults and his family is about 20 miles north of us (30-45 minutes in traffic).

 

[ultrarunner]

Congratulations...

Smile and go with the flow...

Corona weddings here are simple with immediate family and the close friends

One super accomplished grand daughter who moved in to be with her then 95+ grandfather while graduating at the top of her UC Berkeley...

The big wedding fell victim to COVID and Grandfather wanted her to have the big wedding...

In the end she said all we want is family and it would mean the world to us to marry at your house on the patio...

I think they have a very bright future and it was a lovely wedding... we neighbors put wedding bells on all the mailboxes on the street...

 

[KiotiKowboy]

Congratulations.

I've always found smaller ceremonies - both weddings/funerals - to be preferable. Each of these events can easily be exploited via emotions and see many thousands of dollars wasted. Of course - each to their own.

Above all else ... I hope your daughter has found a GOOD man who will treat her with kindness and respect.

 

[Torvy]

Above all else ... I hope your daughter has found a GOOD man who will treat her with kindness and respect.

Thanks. I am not 100% sold on the guy, but they both know we have access to remote land and power equipment.

As for the size and such, that is up to them. We don't want to be those intrusive parents. Our financial contribution will be a fixed amount of whatever my wife wants to give them (not a big number).

There is a concern because his family is all local. It is just us and our kids in the DFW area. My parents are no longer comfortable traveling. Moat likely each of my 3 siblings will come. One with spouse. Few cousins will come...older ones have little babies, younger ones still in school. His family is expecting to ALL come. Daughter wants her friends there. I just want her to be happy.

 

[Torvy]

Congratulations...

Smile and go with the flow...

Corona weddings here are simple with immediate family and the close friends

One super accomplished grand daughter who moved in to be with her then 95+ grandfather while graduating at the top of her UC Berkeley...

The big wedding fell victim to COVID and Grandfather wanted her to have the big wedding...

In the end she said all we want is family and it would mean the world to us to marry at your house on the patio...

I think they have a very bright future and it was a lovely wedding... we neighbors put wedding bells on all the mailboxes on the street...

This is Texas, so a Corona wedding means you are serving Mexican beer.

Daughter is insisting everyone be vaxxed to attend. Her wedding, her rules. I advised her that she may turn off some friends, but ahe should do her own thing.

The church holds something like 5000 people, so the 100-200 will be able to distance as needed.

 

[KiotiKowboy]

Thanks. I am not 100% sold on the guy, ........

I am sorry to hear that. We are all just one bad decision away from ruining our lives.

My daughter made the biggest mistake of her life by choosing the wrong guy. I NEVER liked him. I told her, after the first meeting, to dump him because the furthest thing from his mind was opening her car door. Frankly - if I was a female - I'd stand there until the car rusted if some loser didn't drag his sorry A around and open my door! Unfortunately, she ignored me - and He proved me right on dozens and dozens of occasions. She is now alone with her young son and the loser is ruining some other poor girls life.

As for getting along with his family ... his parents are worse than him!

Sorry to rant - I know this isn't the point of your thread. I couldn't help myself. LOL.

 

[ZTMAN]

First, you will not be prepared how you will feel the first time you see you daughter in her wedding dress. You will know what I mean when you see her.

Second, if the women ask you opinion on something for the wedding, they really don't want your opinion, run, its a trap.

Third, enjoy the moment.

Finally, prepare a nice toast and have fun.

As far as the in-laws, when it came down to wedding things, my wife called the mother of the groom or bride and discussed things. I stayed out of the way.
We were lucky. I have two kids that got married and we get along really well with both sets of in-laws and enjoy their company.

 

[marhar]

Not me, my older daughter, the nurse. Wedding is in late May.

This is the first of our kids to get hitched. We are not really up on the expectations and protocols as the parents. In general, we figure they are adults and can do things however they want. Just tell us our role and we will do our part.

How is the interaction between the sets of in-laws typically handled? (us and the guy's parents). The 'kids' met as adults and his family is about 20 miles north of us (30-45 minutes in traffic).

Congratulations! Since they are engaged invite the grooms parents over for a dinner. (tradition here in the south if y'all do not know each other is for the groom's parents to invite you and your wife over. It is no harm if you make the invitation). While it used to be customary for brides parents to pay for the wedding, since they met as adults they should pick up the bill (my wife an I met in our 30's; my in-laws made a contribution but we paid the rest with no expectation of their generosity).

My wife and I discussed our wedding many years later and joked that it would have been easier and cheaper to elope to our honeymoon destination and just had the service there. There is some truth in the joke; it would have been cheaper and easier.

Regardless it is the marriage that matters not the wedding event.

 

[MossRoad]

Not me, my older daughter, the nurse. Wedding is in late May.

This is the first of our kids to get hitched. We are not really up on the expectations and protocols as the parents. In general, we figure they are adults and can do things however they want. Just tell us our role and we will do our part.

How is the interaction between the sets of in-laws typically handled? (us and the guy's parents). The 'kids' met as adults and his family is about 20 miles north of us (30-45 minutes in traffic).

Congrats on your daughter's upcoming wedding. One of ours got married last year. The rehearsal dinner was the first time we met the son in-law's father and his wife in person. We all got along really well and still converse with them on a family group chat several times a week. They love our daughter like their own, as we do their son.

All I can say is our family got a little bigger. We're going to try and visit them next summer.

As for the interaction during the festivities, it was a very small wedding, so we and the in-laws were the oldest ones there. Everyone else were the kids' ages. So we just sat with the in-laws all night, ate, talked, laughed and watched the young ones party. My wife and the groom's dad's wife hit it off really well in pre-wedding chats on line and phone calls, so they kind of coordinated what they were going to wear so that there'd be no awkward moments at the wedding (both wearing the same thing is catastrophic). Our daughter was very good about involving both of the women in the planning and consultations so no one felt left out. Both commented about how pleasant the experience was.

So best advice I could give would be to make sure the kids involve both sets of parents in the planning so that one set of parents does not feel left out or diminished. Make sure both sets of parents know what's expected of them by the kids well before the ceremonies/dinners, etc., so nothing awkward or unexpected happens. Preview the church and venues. Talk with the priest/minister/person performing the marriage to know what's gonna happen well in advance, as well as talking to the people running the venues. But most of all, just be happy for the newlyweds (and keep your credit card and some cash handy in case something unexpected happens. ).

 

[ultrarunner]

It really is different in Texas...

Hasn't been a medium or big or small church wedding here for some time but getting married at a private home has really taken off... so much so some venues wonder if it will ever comeback to where popular ones booked two-three years out...

Dad never met the in-laws for my brother's as the cancer was only weeks away from his passing... he really met the future daughter in laws a few times...make the moments count... because they will be remembered.

When grandkids come that is when the fun starts.. from my experience.