My Brothers Estate

[MossRoad]

I did't start a will until my 30's. By that time, I had a career and could actually bank money. The reason why I did a will is because I was ALWAYS under the impression that my parents would get everything of mine if I passed away (never married at the time, no children). I found out that is not always true, particularly if you don't live in the same state.

End of day, having something in writing and documented at least covers your butt so people know what you wanted to do if you had anything.

It can also make life simpler for the executor for "family items" if the deceased left who explicitly should receive what. This way the family can get pissed at the deceased instead of the executor

BINGO! We have a winner!!!

We had a relative that made a bit of a stink about what they were "owed" from several deceased relatives and all we had to do was tell them we were legally required to follow the wills and there was nothing we could do for them.

 

[Sigarms]

BINGO! We have a winner!!!

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

 

[2manyrocks]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

 

[tradosaurus]

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

You really get to see the true personality of family members when their is a death in the family.

When my father passed in 1998 there were 7 of us boys and 2 girls (all grown). We established ground rules up front, picked numbers and went 1-9 on selecting an item we wanted. Very easy and little stress.

My MIL is probably going to pass within the year and already my wife is having to deal with her only 2 sisters (no brothers) in helping her mother find 24/7 care and just being good help. Both her sisters are selfish and my wife being executor of the will, the funeral aftermath should be interesting.

 

[tradosaurus]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

Agree 100%. Except usually the troublemakers come out toward the end and good luck changing the will and being of sound mind doing it.

 

[MossRoad]

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

We were fortunate in that my dad's mom and aunts didn't have many possessions, just money. All the aunts rented apartments. His mom was the only one with a house he(we) had to deal with.

My dad, on the other hand, man he had the stuff!!

Fortunately, my siblings were extremely reasonable and everyone got some nice things that they wanted. Not everything they wanted, but a lot of what they wanted, and that satisfied everyone. And, we gave a lot of nice, useful things to several charities as well.

 

[2manyrocks]

Agree 100%. Except usually the troublemakers come out toward the end and good luck changing the will and being of sound mind doing it.

Yep, leaving the executor to have to deal with the problems as best as they can after there's no changing the will because of uncertainty about mental capacity.

 

[Sigarms]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

The issue in the OP's case and in my Aunt's case is that there was no will to begin with, and the living has to deal with the living when the person in question is no longer on this world.

End of the day, hopefully you don't have too much family and friends and have a butt load of money to leave

Love can conquer all, but money can make some people stupid.

 

[JasperFrank]

"Nobody thanked me for doing it." There is no truer statement than this. It is the responsible person that will take in all the particulars, that gets demonized in the end, as the arbiter of assets, as spelled out by the laws of the State. Some families recognize the role of executor/ administrator, and some families do not. OP is in a strange place, with good will, but not the assigned administrator. For this, I would suggest legal counsel. It would be $1,500 well spent.

 

[California]

Come on guys we need a new thread for the more general inheritance advice we have learned from experience.

 

[Sigarms]

Come on guys we need a new thread for the more general inheritance advice we have learned from experience.

If Eddie is offended for the derailment, I do sincerely apologize.

That said, I think we're all grown adults and the reality is any thread that starts on one topic, the best you can hope for is that the "derailment" is somewhat per the original topic at end particularly when you get over 100 responses. EDIT - please note, no one has been combative or belligerent in their posts and responses, and I think a lot of good life experiences have been noted due to this thread topic.

End of the day, no matter how much advice any of us give Eddie, end of day when it comes to the actual legal matters, I wouldn't follow any advice here without consulting with an attorney I'd trust.

 

[MossRoad]

...end of day when it comes to the actual legal matters, I wouldn't follow any advice here without consulting with an attorney I'd trust.

WHAT????

 

[OldMcDonald]

Just to throw a spanner in the works, the first solicitor (if living in anywhere but UK read lawyer/attorney/what you wish - a solicitor in some countries is a second rate person) I worked for was an extremely competent one - held the post of Town Clerk (look it up if you must) in a substantial town as well as being a partner in a legal firm founded a couple of hundred years previously, and yet he chose to die intestate.

He chose that situation because he was more than "comfortable" financially, many individuals and organisations would be expecting some legacy...... but he was only 49 when he died, leaving a wife and 3 young children. He knew that not leaving a will meant only his wife and children would inherit everything he left. That was the law in the particular place at the time he died. The split between wife and trust for the children was satisfactory to him. That split has varied during my lifetime in more than one place I know of, and was not the same in those I do know.

Please, TFF members, do not try to guess what the law is where you live, or pay any attention to advice given by other members as to what you can or should do. Some of us will want specific things to happen when we die; others will not care; some might even be pleased if some of their relatives have a big bust up; and yet others will be happy with what the law of that little bit of the planet says should happen if the deceased did not give instructions. Your choice. Decide which type of person you are, and either ignore it all or seek local professional advice.

At this stage my wife and I (78 and 73) have wills made many years ago when we lived in the jurisdiction in which we are living again. They are still valid, despite our young child now being 40.

 

[Sigarms]

WHAT????

View attachment 768080

I'm certain if I was in a courtroom and I informed everyone in that courtroom that MossRoad from TBN said this is the way it's going to play out, everyone would say "well, then, that settles it, what are we even doing here?"

 

[Torvy]

Just to throw a spanner in the works, the first solicitor (if living in anywhere but UK read lawyer/attorney/what you wish - a solicitor in some countries is a second rate person)

Oddly enough, I found myself explaining this and similar terms to my students today. The chief lawyer in the US government is the Solicitor General. Just to make it more confusing, various departments have Attorneys, Counsels, or Councilors, despite most Americans using the term lawyer. I haven't run across Barrister here, but it probably exists in one state or another.

Lord, I apologize for this aside. Please grant eternal peace unto Mr. Walker whom you have called home. I Thank You Lord, for giving many of us who did not know him an opportunity to grow in knowledge and fellowship through his unfortunate demise. Thank you as well for our Brother Eddie who remains aggrieved, but industrious in this trying time. Please continue to bless Eddie with the strength and peace needed to cope with the aftermath. In Your Name, Amen.

 

[2manyrocks]

No doubt the great State of Texas has its own unique rules and pitfalls to wit only estate lawyers duly admitted to practice in Texas actually know the magic incantations.

 

[MossRoad]

I'm certain if I was in a courtroom and I informed everyone in that courtroom that MossRoad from TBN said this is the way it's going to play out, everyone would say "well, then, that settles it, what are we even doing here?"

Good think I just put my beverage down.

 

[Sigarms]

No doubt the great State of Texas has its own unique rules and pitfalls to wit only estate lawyers duly admitted to practice in Texas actually know the magic incantations.

For a non legal person as myself, I found this a pretty good comprehensive read for a person residing in Texas that isn't to confusing. I like this law firm because they do what I do when trying to explain something, draw pictures

Probate Lawyers in El Paso Texas - Forbes & Forbes Law Office

Contact us today to consult our experienced probate lawyers and ensure a smooth process for your family’s future.

www.forbeslawoffice.com

 

[EddieWalker]

For a non legal person as myself, I found this a pretty good comprehensive read for a person residing in Texas that isn't to confusing. I like this law firm because they do what I do when trying to explain something, draw pictures

Probate Lawyers in El Paso Texas - Forbes & Forbes Law Office

Contact us today to consult our experienced probate lawyers and ensure a smooth process for your family’s future.

www.forbeslawoffice.com

Thank you for this, it really clarifies the process for me.

My Mom and my wife picked up my brothers urn with his ashes yesterday, and 20 copies of his Death Certificate. He wanted his ashes spread in a duck pond, which will happen eventually, but not right away.

 

[Sigarms]

He wanted his ashes spread in a duck pond, which will happen eventually, but not right away.

My father died August 16th this year. He was laid to rest with my mother (who died in 2002) 500 miles away on September 30th.

We drove his ashes for the "event" in our car.

Hard to do that if he was in a coffin on our end with that time frame...

At the end of the day, cremation is the way to go IMO. Less expensive for the family, and more importantly, it gives you more time to plan for your loved one so everything is in place as you want it.

When my mom died, it was like 3-5 days, put her into the ground ASAP (sorry, no other way to put it), rush and have to make the decisions on what you need to do for the family.

After my father saw how another family members service went for his cremation, my dad told me to cremate him, much easier for everyone and the way "to go" in his mind..

Way my wife and I will go as well.

If I sound flippant, apologies not my intent. Just been there, done that. I understand it's not fun and your not alone in what you're going through.

Way I see it, the more you hurt, the more you loved. Thing is, when my dad passed, I was actually more happy for him due to his age and where he was at in his life.

Please note, some religious beliefs do NOT believe in cremation. I know because when I talked to my aunt (my mothers sister, not my fathers sister) about what was "going on with my father", she informed me that the Russian Orthodox does not believe in cremation. I just thanked her for the info, and her son (who happens to be a Orthodox priest) thanked me for just saying that and not to tell her to jump off a bridge because my father wasn't "baptized" in the Russian church to begin with LMAO Not to stir up a can of worms, but end of the day, we all turn to dust.